I utterly despise ...
Ineffectual people. We all know them. We've all come across them at some point in our lives. Some of you might be married to them, some of you might be related to them. Hell I'm guessing that a bunch of you actually ARE them.
But for those of you that aren't and are wondering what exactly makes a person ineffectual and why are they my latest target? Well, thanks for asking, here's why. As usual, it came down to something that occurred while I was delighting in my favorite addiction. Television. Come on I know none of you were looking for another answer. If you were then I think you have the wrong website.
So there I was, watching TV. I was flicking through the channels, utterly despairing because nothing I wanted to watch was on. {See what I did there? I'm not one of those idiots who would ever be so stupid as to say that there was nothing on TV. Other than the fact that it would be literally incorrect, fact is, there's always something on TV that you could watch, it just comes down to what you're in the mood for at the time.}
So anyway there I was flicking channels. I didn't want to watch ER on TNT because the episodes showing at the time were the ones from the season right after Carol had left. And a Dougless, Carolless post ER season was not a very good show to watch. I watch now because my love for Maura Tierney after NewsRadio would not allow me to deny her any longer. Plus I just love the chick from Bend It Like Beckham.
Anyway to keep this story from becoming an epic, I flicked to USA and stumbled onto this teen flick, Jawbreaker Now I'm a huge fan of teen flicks, but we all know that some of them out there were great big stinkers. For every great 10 Things I Hate About You there's a The Lizzie McGuire Movie, for every wonderfully scandalous Cruel Intentions, there's a Cruel Intentions 2.
So it was with great trepidation that I began watching the beginning of the movie and by the end of the opening credits, I was already regretting my decision and was now realizing that for every Heathers there's a Jawbreaker. A movie so bad that I hated ALL the characters and wished that they'd ALL get killed by the end.
I mean oh my god it was horrible. Rebecca Gayheart (Julie), Rose McGowen (Courtney), Julie Benz (Foxy) and Judy Greer (Vylette) should have killed all their managers for simply showing them this script.
The Plot:
Three popular friends Julie, Courtney and Foxy 'kidnap' their other popular best friend Liz from her bed on the morning of her birthday to take her to breakfast. {Apparently this kidnapping this is a game to the four of them and they do it to each other every birthday.
Unfortunately for them this time friend Liz is so shocked that she ends up swallowing the huge ass jawbreaker they shoved in her mouth and suffocates. Sad yes? Yes. Up until the twits decide that they can't tell anyone about this obviously accidental death, so they decide to cover it up by putting Liz back in bed and making it look like she died after a night of rough sex with some anonymous guy.
But you know what? I could have accepted it if that's how it stayed. But it didn't. Because Gayheart's character Julie suddenly develops a conscience and breaks with the other two over the cover-up and their choosing to befriend Greer's Fern (soon to be changed to Vylette) character who is a dowd and remake her into the new IT girl so she wouldn't tell anyone about stumbling onto the three of them with the body.
Here's where my rant about ineffectual people begins. Julie 'I've suddenly grown a conscience, but only if I don't end up in trouble' decides she doesn't like what's happening. Courtney goes in the opposite direction sticking to her teen queen persona and ruling with a cruel iron fist. Foxy's the proverbial follower, hanger on and the newly improved Vylette ne Fern, suddenly becomes a bitch of the first order.
Julie's hating all of this and is spending all her time wanting to bring Courtney down and talking about what an awful person she is for not fessing up about Liz's death. She's also trying to get Vylette to remember her past as the sweet, dull Fern and to renounce her position as Vylette the new school icon. Now while this might have been a good thing in another movie, it doesn't flow with me in this one.
Why you ask? Well for one, who the hell is Julie to talk anyway? So what Courtney's not wallowing in guilt because of her part in Liz's death. So what she's unwilling to go to the police and confess the truth. Fact is Julie dear neither are you. This idiot spent the entire movie slamming Courtney for enjoying the life without remorse, but I certainly didn't see her running to the police and confessing all. And it's not like she didn't have the opportunity. Especially since Pam Grier shows up as a swanky looking detective looking for answers.
Yes, yes as the 'bad' girl that she'd been written to be Courtney threatened Julie by saying that if she said anything, the other two girls would back her up and say that Julie did it. But here's a bit of fact that made me not care a whit about Julie's suddenly growing conscience.
She had a hand in Liz's death. Yes, it was all accidental, but you know what even if Courtney lied and Julie ended up being the one to suffer alone, the fact remains that Julie did help kill Liz and Julie was right there when they were covering it up. She didn't stop them and she certainly didn't immediately run to the telephone to call the cops. So no pity from this end sweetheart since you would have deserved whatever punishment the courts would have deemed suitable.
But this is certainly not the worst of it. No, the worst comes at the end after Vylette's sudden popularity went to her head causing Courtney and Foxy to turn against her and after Courtney had set it up so the police would arrest some random guy for Liz's sex death. Julie all appalled by Courtney's behavior ... all the more hypocritical since it's pretty much a given at the beginning of the movie that Julie was once just like her ... she now decides that it's up to her to bring Courtney down. That she must make Courtney pay for not wallowing in guilt like she is.
So she with the help of newly renewed Fern, decides to reveal the truth about Liz's death. But how? They set it up so Julie or Fern, I can't remember which, would confront Courtney and record her saying that she killed Liz. Which they do. And at the senior prom when Courtney's named Prom Queen and is up on the stage about to do her acceptance speech. Her voice suddenly is heard over the speakers, saying "I killed Liz. I killed the teen queen."
The other students, suddenly shocked and appalled at the downfall of their queen typically turn on her as teenagers in movies do and pelt her with corsages. Oh the horror. Courtney, appalled manages to take the lesser known walk of shame through the crowd, pulling out her own hair in the process and messing up her make up, just so she could look horrible enough that by the time she reaches the door the wondrous Julie is right there to take her picture.
Lovely huh? Bullshit I say. Who the fuck is Julie to lay all the blame on Liz's murder on Courtney's head? I don't care that you suddenly had an attack of conscience. I don't care if Courtney had started killing students at a random with various sex toys. Liz's death was not on Courtney's head alone and the fact that at the end of the movie it was made to look like that is the biggest bunch of crap that I've ever see,
Julie was as much responsible for her friend's death as Courtney was, but we're suddenly supposed to love her and hate Courtney because Courtney was a bitch? So fucking what? Julie never confessed. She never ran to the police to pour our her heart. Am I supposed to believe that her soul has been cleansed just because she brought down Courtney? Fuck no.
All that proved to me was that Julie is a spiteful bitch who believes that if she's suffering then so should everyone else. The bottom line in the movie just proved to me that she resented Courtney because Courtney was able to move on with her life and not dwell on something that in effect was something that none of them wanted. She made the most of the situation and moved on. Julie couldn't and decided that Courtney was suddenly evil because of that.
See this is a prime example of what ineffectual people do. They stand around bitching and moaning about things instead of doing what they know is right and then resent other people for not doing the same. They're always full of sage advice and moral platitudes about what's right and wrong. But they themselves never do what's right. They always hide behind what's wrong and then act like it's the fault of others.
If there's any justice in the world they'd all end up in a burning building, all talking about what to do, but none of them actually doing it.
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