So of course one night as you sit at home with a gun, a bottle of sleeping pills and a knife in front of you, trying to decide which would be the best way to end your miserable life, you suddenly think that maybe ending your life isn't the solution. That maybe if you just take out Debbie, that things might get better. No overly bright start to the day, would give you a chance to find your morning spirit on your own, without it being shoved in your face.
And of course you have to do everyone else a favor by taking out Dennis. Your boss would love you for saving the company a bundle on repair and maintenance fees. And then you think, while I'm at it ... I could just scare the lunch lady a little.
But then the inevitable problem is that you keep adding to your list. The guy at Subways who never puts enough honey mustard sauce on your sandwich. Your boss who always asks you to bring the coffees for the morning meeting but never reimburses you. The chick in payroll who spells your name with an 'i' instead of 'y.' The guy on the third floor you meet in the elevator, who calls you Steve when your name is Stanley.
... ugh ... just had to pause for a second, because the bus just passed this car that made me nauseous. It was silver with this metallic hue that turned rainbow colors when hit by a certain light ... puke.
Okay, where was I? Oh yes, Stanley ... Yeah see that's what the Debbies of the world do to you. They make everything worse than it already is, by being so happy and cheerful. Now Mr. FBI and Mr. CIA sirs, please don't mistake this as some psycho's manifesto or some personal list I'm making. I don't know any Debbies ... well I do, one I went to highschool with, but she's not annoying, she makes me laugh. I have no strong desire to kill anyone. I'm just saying that I can understand how the little things from highly annoying people, can grate on the nerves to the point, that they compel normal, sane people into actions that they normally wouldn't even fathom.
Which reminds me, remind me to tell you guys about my theory on healthy expressions of anger at a later point.
I just think that if we could all take a minute to acknowledge our hate for the Debbies of the world, it would make it less of a problem. We wouldn't feel the need to harbor that hate, letting it fester and grow, until it boils over and innocent people suffer as a result. We could form a fellowship, a universal group that would greet each Debbie and their cheerful good mornings with an enthusiastic 'Fuck off' of our own.
Oh what a beautiful morning it would be. And we the pessimists of the world would finally have something to look forward too. Or not ... I happen to love waking up each morning full of resentment for the coming day. What can I say? I am a New Yorker ...
Previous--Obsessions
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