So all things considered, I now love my name. Proud to introduce myself as Nola. Michelle's suddenly not that fantastic since it seems like everyone and their mother has that name. Individuality grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and showed me clearly that it's much preferable to being one of many.

But here comes the problem. Nola? Ain't so unique. Ok I knew I wasn't going to be the only one. I knew I'd either meet, hear or read about some other Nola eventually, but damn ... try doing a web search for Nola. I got over 25801 hits. Not so special anymore. Emeril has a restaurant named after me. [Yes me, I refuse to acknowledge any usurpers] There's a famous town in Italy that's also named after me. [Again, just accept the fact that my birth was anticipated since about 300BC] But worse of all ... there's some fricking CBS soap opera character named Nola. God I'm becoming common. A fricking soap character. Next thing you know some chick named Nola is going to win an Academy Award and then everyone will be like ... "Oh you've got the same name as that actress ..." Fuck You. I got here first.

But there's a bad side to having an uncommon name with an interesting meaning. Sure you learn to appreciate being an individual, being part of the crowd just isn't as appealing anymore, but I became so obsessed with my fantastic name that I got obsessed about names period. Now I can't get away from them ... or maybe they can't get away from me. My entire belief structure has changed ... ok maybe it was already that way since I'd hated my name for so long and wished many a time that I'd have been given the choice.

Now I put so much stock in names that as an aspiring writer, I spend days researching the names I use for my stories. If a friend asks me what would be a good screen name for her MSN account ... I take about five days until I can find the perfect one. Then I spend hours explaining the significance of this wonderful name to my friend, who would just look with horror and fear at the crazy woman who obsessed over a name that she'll probably change in three months anyway. Well, sister if you don't appreciate in-depth research and a friend who takes names seriously, then piss off. You'll take the strange unpronounceable name and you'll learn to love it.

I decided ... as any right thinking person would ... that a name is special and shouldn't be taken lightly. And if I ever had children ... [which will never happen] I'd give them fantastic names. Names that can't be twisted by mean spirited little seven year old bastards and used as taunts. Names that won't leave you bloodied and bruised in the bathroom or out on the playground. Of course I also decided that my children wouldn't have to simply accept whatever name I gave them. No, I was going to pass down to them my obsession with names and when they get old enough, I'd let them choose whether they want to keep their names or not. That way when they're older and they hate their lives and their names and start bitching about how I ruined their lives, I can simply point out that I put their lives into their own hands ... and therefore they're the ones that screwed themselves. [Again ... this will never happen since I loathe children.]

Oh ... and just in cause you're wondering ... I do have an alternate name that I found for myself, that in my opinion characterizes my personality and represents the person that I am. Don't get me wrong I still love Nola Michelle ... but come on I just told you I was obsessed. So what's this marvelous name that I finally settled on? Jyoti Kaija. Suits me perfectly. Practically unpronounceable, but that's exactly the point. I'm a person that's hard to describe. So it's pretty much a given that my true name would be hard to pronounce? But it's not really that hard. It just looks that way.

Jyoti = Joe-T. Pretty simple huh? It's Hindi for light or celestial brilliance. Sure I hate the sunlight and summer, but this represents that luminous part of my personality that allows me to be creative. Kaija = Kai-Ya. Pretty again. Finnish for Earth. Which is more the grounding of my being. My base. It keeps my creativity from spiraling out of control. [ha don't you love that spin]

So that leaves us with 'Light of the Earth.' Yeah that's me. That luminous entity that saves the world from being a drab boring ass place. There's no need to thank me ... it's what I was born to do.

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