I'm just sick of regrets. Sick of thinking about 'what ifs,' and 'how the hell could I's' and living with my utter stupidity every day. But as sick as I am of all that, man the fear is even worse.
I used to be fearless and risk taking and just ready for anything. But now ... now I'm always worried. And the worst thing is that I use logic to convince myself that my worries are well founded, (which they are) as well as talk myself out of taking those risks. And hell there are even people I know who tell me, 'yeah, bad idea to take those risks, stay where you are it's smarter at this time' ... and it's not like they're being malicious, it's just that they honestly think it's the right move for me to stay where I am rather than take a risk.
But I'm unhappy. Unhappy and mad at myself and just SICK OF MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. If I don't do something soon, I'll ... hell I don't even know, but the idea of being stuck in this rut forever? To be in this same position when I reach (shudder) 30? Why don't I just get the gun right now.
So I'm going to go out on a limb. Several limbs. Probably climb the whole damn tree. But the point is that I'm going to finally do something. As for regrets ...
Well let's just hope that like Frank's, they'll end up being ones that aren't even worth the mention. Better yet, actual good decisions on my part.
Previous -- Obsessions
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