The thing is though, who knows who else is doing that very thing.  There are a lot of freaks out there who used the Internet as their prey ground.  And no I'm not talking about pedophiles or any sexual predators.  Those are for people who are far more trusting than I am and who don't know any better but to believe everything they're told by a computer screen and then compound that insanity by agreeing to meet them offline somewhere.

No the freaks I'm talking about are those who use the Internet as a place to feed their hidden, or already shitty personalities.  People who go to message boards and chatrooms and live to torment the people they meet there just for the fun of it.  People who, more than likely in their real life are closeted or they themselves abused, and choose to use the Internet to act out their frustrations or intimidate people.

It's insane the logic that people like that employ.  I can't even picture it in my head.  Just sitting at your computer in your home or wherever you use the Internet and just attacking people at random?  People you don't even know?  What satisfaction can you possibly get from that?  Maybe it's just another Internet junkie rush that I haven't experienced, but I don't think I ever will.  To simply attack people for fun?  There's no pleasure in attacking a faceless opponent.  And certainly no entertainment in taunting people a world away who you'll probably never meet.

Those kind of people have the ability to ruin the glorious online experience for me.  And that's a serious problem.  The Internet is one of my favorite addictions and whenever there comes a point where I just get sick of some aspect of it, I feel sad and disappointed.  Well that's not really true I just feel pissed at those morons.  I literally feel sick to my stomach at the idea that there are people like that.  How sad and pathetic does your life have to be that the best you can do online is ruin someone else's day?

I guess they're just a new kind of bully.  CyberJerks.  Or maybe they're just plain old assholes.  But once you start thinking of these people the most you can do is pity them though.  I mean come on, how fucked up is your life that you can't even get it up enough to do your bullying in real life.  Your real life would have to be pretty fucking sad if you have some need to pick on some poor schlub online who just wanted to be your friend.

Then again any bullying in general is pathetic.  I was bullied once when I was in high school.  This big truck of a chick would demand money.  I don't remember every giving her any, but I do remember having that very same sick feeling in my stomach whenever she came around.  It's the feeling I get when I'm so pissed at something that I want to do something I know I shouldn't, so I keep it in.  It's a wonder I didn't have an ulcer at 12.

But this isn't about bullies.  This is about the wonders of the Internet.  It's unfortunate that bullies even have a place on here.  But I guess that's the beauty of the Internet.  There's a place for everyone.  The good and the bad.  And then of course there's a place for people like me.  Like this site.

From the time I first started coming online I wanted a website.  I've had several attempts before, but this is the one that I'm most proud of.  This is the one that I settled on.  As a kid I always wanted to be the kind of person who would have a diary, but it just never worked for me.  Everytime I tried I'd feel stupid writing my feelings in a book.  I'd feel fake and like I was forcing myself to do it.  That didn't make any sense.  A diary or journal is something that you should just do because it feels right.  Because you're compelled to do it or because you feel better putting your thoughts down in your own private place.

For myself I've discovered I'm not so good with the secrets.  Writing secrets thoughts and desires isn't for me.  Apparently I'm kind of an exhibitionist.  I feel compelled to put my thoughts out there for everyone to see.  I honestly feel better writing this than I ever did trying to write in a journal.

That whole 'Dear Diary' bit felt way too fabricated.  Like I was putting on a show even though there was no one to see.  Now with the help of the Internet I am putting on a show and it feels pretty good.  I don't yearn for attention.  To be honest if I'm in the middle of a crowd I keep quiet unless I know everyone then I'm completely outrageous.  And since I certainly don't know all of you I guess I'm just getting free therapy.  I get to vent and wonder and speculate about anything my little heart desires.

Everyday I come online I have a process that I go through.  In my list of favorites I have sites that I visit every day.  One by one I got through them in the same order every day.  It's probably the most organized thing in my life.  Well that and my writing folder on my computer.  Otherwise I'm a mess.  My room?  I'm surprised Bush hasn't appeared trying to amend the constitution to ban my bedroom.  Or at least declare it a disaster area.

But my place online?  Sheer perfection.  No clutter, no fuss.  Orderly folders.  I do routine checks to ensure that all the links work and that they're all up to date.  I'm almost anal about it.  But that's just the love talking.  I love being online.  I love everything about it.  The whole experience with having everything you could possibly want right here at your fingertips is beyond comparison.

I don't have to ask if you agree with me, because I know you do.  Otherwise you wouldn't be here.

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